The summer of 2014 marked the end of what was probably the most horrendous period of my life. At 46 years old I found myself in quite the predicament. Drinking, driving while intoxicated, pill popping, cutting, suicidal thoughts and other self-destructive behaviors had consumed every moment and I had become unable to manage my life efficiently. Like many others before me, guilt, shame, fear and pain; that deep dark all-consuming state of mind had taken over who I was. How did I end up here? I knew I needed help; I could not do this on my own but there was no way in hell I could admit that I was dependent on alcohol and pills, after all I was a professional in the mental health industry and should know better! I had tried an outpatient treatment program in July, however was “therapeutically discharged”, a fancy way of saying kicked out, of that program. Just when I needed help the most; the counselors in that program turned me away. What little trust I had was certainly shattered. It took every ounce of energy to enter that program in the first place and I was rejected; I had given up on myself and my life. One last drunken binge landed me in the ER – 15 staples later in my arm, I’d finally hit my rock bottom.
Call it the grace of God, a miracle or simply God stepping in and sending an angel to help me do for me what I could not do for myself. Broken, desperate, humiliated, and angry; crushed by the weight of my deep despair, I dragged myself into a residential treatment center where I met that angel in Sarah Tostado, a counselor in the drug & alcohol residential treatment program. Sarah was just the miracle I needed; right person at the right time. She showed me such compassion & understanding, not a judgmental bone in her body. I was a broken walled up shell of a person – Sarah held me up when I could barely stand on my own two feet. She knew when to push, when to back off and earned my trust. Impeccable intuition, Sarah seemed to have amazing timing, knowing just the right words or compassionate gaze that got me through that moment. I remember telling her that she had all the right stuff to make an incredible therapist who would help so many people – truly gifted in personal skills; something I know as a therapist myself that can’t be taught. I will never forget the words Sarah said to me as I prepared to leave the treatment program, afraid to return to my life outside those safe walls: “You didn’t just stop drinking, you developed a new sense of self and are unsure of how the new you fits into the old world. You left the dark’s cold place and now must get use to the warmth of the sunshine; welcome it, before long it will be comforting”. I followed Sarah’s suggestion and took those words to heart. I was willing to trust her and I can’t tell you what a pivotal moment in my life that was! Today, I am doing so much better. My life has peace and joy back in it; all the pieces are falling back into place. I have hope again and have learned to trust once more. I can’t thank you Sarah enough for it was you that led me through that door; humbly I say to you, thank you. If you are someone struggling with addiction, it is important to find the right fit in a therapist to help you gain your footing. Without hesitation, I would recommend Sarah Tostado, since for me, she was the right person at the right time!!!
– V.A.D